As the tea tree oil mists through my bedroom, where I have chosen to self-isolate, tears find me this morning. They cascade down my cheeks, in seeing the numbers in New York City skyrocket. “More than 20,000 New Yorkers have been infected by the coronavirus, Gov. Cuomo announced Monday, meaning the Empire State now accounts for 5% of all cases worldwide.” Tears again for the medical workers across the globe. Tears for the lonely, the frightened, the vulnerable and weak. Tears for the act of individuals underscoring the severity of the situation, for the news media images from California and the U.K. that depict citizens selfishly piling onto the beaches and trails, and not distancing themselves socially. Tears all around–for you, and for me.
Per usual, I spent a good part of yesterday in ‘hunting-and-gathering’ research mode. One of my ‘talents’ is being able to absorb a lot of information in a short amount of time, while detecting minute patterns and obvious repetitions. (That and numerous spelling errors (homophones) and brand new words, because of dyslexia.) Through my mind’s eye, as I speed read, my brain latches on to key words, key numbers, and topics, and then collects and organizes the data in novel ways; this process, to me, appears akin to bright-white highlight over certain words and sentences on the computer screen or text of a page. I talk about this process in the article I wrote for Different Brains.
I guesstimate that I am perusing 50 to 100 articles a day, presently. My primary focus has been on how the COVID-19 virus works, protective measures, medical workers, self-care, and the epicenters of New York, Washington, California, and Italy. I am also keeping an eye on the U.K. and Australia and what’s happening there. For example, in U.K. a 12-week self-quarantine is recommended for at-risk individuals–something I am implementing for myself, here, in Washington, U.S.A. Each day I am pulling out data from my memory banks, and applying what is needed for my own peace of mind. Of course, I don’t trust all of what I read. As a neurodivergent individual, I am quick to question proclaimed ‘authority’ and ‘experts.’ More often than not, online ‘news’ articles are a banal regurgitation of recycled information: words claimed as ‘fact’ that were copied from another source with a slight twist (e.g, new doctored image, sentence restructure, added or omitted quote), in which the previous source, copied from another source. It is like a mirror looking at a mirror and reflecting the same image times infinity, if the eye is spry enough to magnify.
The topic that follows below, in text, I don’t much like to discuss; it makes my soul jitter. Perhaps there is a vulnerability that submerges, or it is the hauntings of childhood and young adulthood friends I lost, upon unabashedly divulging about the ghosts I saw and visions I could not avoid. Moreover, there is this level of humility I take heed to maintain, in order that I not fall into a circumstance of uncomfortable pain centered at my heart and gut. Yet, these be dire times, and my faith, as well as many others’ stronghold in their higher power, is being tested. And so I share.
I am an intuitive and a “seer,” for lack of more suitable terminology. Since a small child, like many I know, I have had hunches and knowings, and vivid, symbolic dreams of what is to come. Like some on the autism spectrum, I have an antenna of sorts that taps into some collective-unconscious frequency. I have massive empathy and compassion. I feel others feelings and thoughts. I see thoughts, similar to how others hear words. I sense vibrations and energy levels. I see fears and misgiving, hidden motives, and foundations from which ideas and goals were planted. I have inklings, small hints of what is to be. I am given warnings of dangers. Sometimes the knowings come in prophet like visions, e.g., Mother Mary. People come to me in my dream-state, carrying with them their burdens of angst and worry. I have visions of travel, of tragedy, of death and illness. Sometimes this occurs when I am wide awake. I predicted when my mother-in-law would pass and where in her body she would be sick. Another time, setting my sight in the mirror, I saw a vision of a lupus rash on my face; and within the hour a friend phoned to say she had a lupus diagnosis. A similar experience occurred, when I kept checking for a non-existent bump under my left armpit and didn’t know why; I checked repeatedly for two days, until a friend called me to say she had a suspicious bump under her left armpit, and not to worry, incase I was “picking up on her anxiety.” I worked as a seer for a brief time. Alas, it was too much of a deep emotional ocean of sorrows for me to carry. Once when a client walked through my door, I asked, “Did your house burn down, recently?” There was a solemn nod. I’ve sensed spirits that have passed over. Known things no one could possibly know. Found the same card in a full deck three times in a row by feeling the energy; (and impressed my youngest son). My Belly of Star Blog is filled with spiritual text and poetry. Much of my blog, Everyday Aspergers, was inspired through hearing what to write. I couldn’t pick a topic and write about it, typically, but had to wait and be guided. Those that have read my book, Everyday Aspergers, know this about me. Know that the entire book itself was a result of a spiritual vision from God.
As I maneuver what feels to be a pitch black heaviness in the world, I am taking careful inventory of myself and reflecting on the optimal way to move forward day-to-day. My fears, like many, come and go. I claim no supernatural power, only a supernatural faith. I’ve seen this today, the way in which I am processing the days:
Anxiety/Angst/Sadness/Fear/Upset = A compulsion outside myself to connect and serve others through writing
Logic/Pattern Seeking/Laser Focus = A drive to gather, refine, and regroup information to calm self and serve a higher good
Intuitive Knowing/Faith = A strong want to move beyond my own selfish needs and rise above my fear to serve as a faithful vessel utilizing my anointed gifts
I encourage you to take inventory and look at your own experience in this moment. To determine how you might best use the fuel of your angst, cognitive abilities, and faith (whatever that looks like for you), to empower yourself and others. Or to devise another strategy, perch from above yourself, and watch how you are moving through these days, if you haven’t already.
If you do nothing more than take care of yourself, you are empowering others by your example. In taking care of yourself, to the best of your ability and capacity, you are also feasibly decreasing the worries of another and working toward being less of a burden to our overworked medical staff.
To take care of myself, I am pulling from my years of (intense) research into natural health practices. I’ve read up (again) on the pros and cons of utilizing my far infrared sauna, colloidal silver, and elderberry supplements. I am listening to my inner voice, as much as I feasibly can. In example, I have been craving egg yolks–my body is likely low on protein and ‘vitamin’ D. I’ve been drawn to fish and avocados and bananas. I rub CBD oil on my chest and drink hot tea throughout the day with medicinal honey. I am upping my use of the spice turmeric, a natural anti-inflammatory, as well as fish oil. I take care not to overburden my system, particularly my liver, by intuitively deciphering what is best and not taking all my supplements on the same day. I have had enough blood tests, due to more than 6 chronic pain conditions, to know what I historically run low in: iron, calcium, magnesium, potassium, and D. I rub essential oils on my chest, too. Tea tree oil at the tip of my nostrils, a couple times a day. I am slowly collecting healthy food staples for our home: nuts, dried fruit, beans, rice, almond milk.
I am following more ancient practices, such as covering my neck in a scarf, at times when there is a chill. I am eating for my body, not my eyes or tastebuds, to strengthen my immune system and decrease my weight, and enhance optimal blood pressure levels. I am visualizing the virus and not making it my enemy, but a living entity that is not welcome in my house or the house of those I love. When I am able, which will be soon, I will start circling the block to take in more sunshine and exercise my heart. To calm my spirit, I sit on the balcony with a loved one, each of us on opposite ends, and breathe in the budding trees and chirping birds. To calm my spirit, I write to you.
Each of us has a choice of how we behave during these challenging days. There is no judgment, no mandate, no must-dos. For some of us, maintaining our mental wellbeing is all we can muster, as we hang by a thread from the ghosts of PTSD, anxiety, and isolation. Depression might be creeping in or there to stay, and for those among us, a hot cup of tea and resting in bed, before soaking up the sun, might be enough, and all we can do. For others, we have essential jobs, whether that be serving as a homemaker, parent, caretaker, educator, counselor, coach, leader, lawmaker, supporter, or other. Many a folks urgent focus for today is to figure out how to meet basic essential needs: food, shelter, safety. Some are in mourning or in anxious limbo, awaiting their loved ones return from the hospital, or test results. Some are weak and frail.
For those of us who are able to have extra reserves during this time, who have the energy, perhaps we can focus in serving in some capacity. A balanced day of enough rest and introspection, to fuel and steer us to use our gifts and passions to serve others. For me, this is writing; it always has been.
All the best ~ Sam
Below is my social media post on Facebook 3.22.20
Dear Community Members,
I haven’t watched the news in 19 years. I still don’t, because I don’t have basic television cable/channels. Even if I could, I wouldn’t.
The majority of the information I have gathered about the current global crisis is from reading articles, not social media posts, and not the local news, many by doctors and experts from other countries.
While I was bedridden, I had little energy or interest to do anything but obtain knowledge about what is occurring around the world. For days, I was flat on my back, reading information from my phone. Too tired to use my laptop computer. I’ve likely perused over 400+ pages by now.
Anyone who knows me well, can speak of my character, judgment, and ability to find patterns and produce new information. I am a peacemaker. I don’t like to rock the boat.
Anyone who searched through my newsfeed for the last 8 years, read my blogs, my book, articles, etc. would understand I don’t take sides politically or otherwise. I don’t debate. I typically don’t counter people’s posts or opinions. It is not in my nature. To each their own. I have a keen ability to see multiple sides of an argument.
I would love to offer you words of comfort in these times. I would love to alleviate your anxiety and my anxiety by listing why you don’t need to worry. But this is truly a time of war. The bombs are falling. Why would I say ‘don’t worry,’ when a bomb is dropping toward you and yours? We must rise above our own self and do what we can to help the world. We must not focus on soothing our own individual qualms, but reach out to make a difference during this crisis.
Use your anxiety and fear to make a difference. After you recover from the news and shock and implement self-care, repackage your pain into hope and serving. Whatever that looks like for you. There are many ways we can offer comfort and community. Play the harp on video. Offer a free online coaching service. Recite a poem. Make a mask for a hospital worker. Start a community online video support group. Donate cans to a food bank. Stay home. Whatever you can do.
This is not about being right. I hope I am wrong; I truly do. And those that disagree with my point of view, can call me out for it later, and I’ll gladly do a public apology. But just incase I am not wrong, please, please pay attention to what is happening in Italy and take this COVID-19 seriously. This isn’t just media hype (for once).
I had a dream, not too long before this crisis started hitting the news. It was of a mostly abandoned high school, several stories high. It was symbolic of a school and a hospital. I questioned the adults in the high school: where did all the children go; they told me they had to close the schools. The adults were lining the stairs going up and down, in search of help, and they were very sick. It was an epidemic. I’ve never had an epidemic dream in my lifetime. But I have correctly foreseen the future more times than I can count.
Stay safe and well. Stay connected. Do what you have to do to calm and nurture yourself. But please don’t think this is not serious and only hype. Listen to citizens in other countries.