From the Inside Out: An Autistic Shutdown

 From the Inside Out: An Autistic Shutdown Autistics have shutdowns. It’s part of life. There are multiple root causes for a shutdown, including the result of sensory overload, physical and mental exhaustion, unexpected news, anxiety about an upcoming event, and upheaval in our schedule. Sometimes it comes in combination; other times it comes down to…

Mama Bear

I recently found my “mama bear!” She’s been hiding somewhere. Out in the way-back country of my psyche, I suppose. She’s awake, and I am not so sure what to do with her. However, I notice these seismic emotional waves generated by an impulse of some sort or another. To be frank, the thought of convictions…

Unknowns, Boundaries, and Autism: A Reflection

THIS IS A RAMBLE. For a shorter, more ‘reader friendly’ version, go here To see my brain in action . . . Read on. (There are some comma errors in this. Apologies!) I had planned on working from home today. In fact, I likely “should” be doing that right now. However, I make my own hours,…

Autism: A Poem of Anger

  This is what emotions feel like to me. How I stuff and try to navigate the days, until I can no longer keep all that is inside of me, and I burst.   Doused Shattered brain Made whole Reorganized into Frankenstein pieces Stapled segmented fractures United by outdated cement glue Jumbled mess of fool’s…

Autistic Shutdown Visuals: I am Okay

BUT THEN SOMETHING HAPPENED AND… Days like this… I let people know how I am doing:    

A Visual Representation of My Anxiety: Aspergers (Autism)

MY DANCING STAIRCASE I am autistic (Asperger’s Syndrome). And I have generalized anxiety disorder. Most autistics do, if not all. It’s a byproduct of our very active thought processes and ability to often think in pictures, so that everything, in a sense, becomes very much alive and real. My anxiety is seen and felt in…

Autism

Casual visitor Woven through The expressway of reason Penetrated infliction For what I almost thought Or almost wanted to do Everything tangled, mangled Manageable pieces—intermingled into nonetheless Calling to crawl out of the confusion Personified and spawning seasonable wholes Moving and integrating into the way of being Nothing simple Nothing unreal Everything tangible and flavorful…

The Sword of Us

I know how you suffer and struggle, how your mind is an exploding universal truth, how you flutter about in sequence, reorganizing and rearranging the very essence of self—a byproduct of thought. Your complexity is amazing and stunningly beautiful, encapsulating what is and what is not, intermingled in a dance of delight and horror. I see…

Depression and Autism

Today I went through many letters and poems from my childhood. I came across a few poignant pieces that signify how I related to my world during my youth. I find these old writings telling of my journey. The words validate a young girl who didn’t understand why she seemed so different from many of…

Doing Our Best

  When I freak out I cry. I really cry. I wail straight from the gut of my soul. I do that sobbing thing that you see in those well-acted movies that makes you want to sob too or run away super fast. Case in point, last night I was replaying those messages of having…